I was wrong. My RE's office called this afternoon and at 2:30am I have to take my HCG shot. Then my egg retrieval is scheduled for Wednesday. I'm so glad, because as this day has progressed, so has my discomfort. In a way, I'm kind of suprised because I thought that the follicles were still on the small side, but I completely trust my RE. So here we go, making some babies!

I feel like a walking set of ovaries. I'm so bloated and crampy and just plain uncomfortable right now. I shouldn't forget to mention that I'm also really irritable, and emotional as well. I went for ultrasounds and bloodwork yesterday and this morning, and my guess is that I'll have to go back tomorrow morning as well. Which means another night of shots and being even more uncomfortable as the follicles on my ovaries continue to grow and develop. I'm praying that tomorrow is the day that they are all the right size and that I'll be ready to do the HCG shot in preparation for the egg retrieval surgery.

Other than that, we are just enjoying some relaxing time at home this weekend. Yesterday, we grilled up some chicken, and I made some salads to go with it (guacamole salad, pasta and broccoli salad). Our friends Bethany and Scott came over with their daughter, Jaelyn. It was nice to just hang out and have a couple of drinks and eat good food. Later today, we're going to visit my mother for a little while. Then I took some Porterhouse steaks out of the freezer to make for dinner. YUM!!

I tried something new today. I went to the spa and got an airbrushed tan. I have to say that I Love It!!! It's a nice golden color, it's not streaky, and it's not orange at all. Oh, and of course, no tan lines. She said that it should last about a week or so. Since I have no desire to sit in the sun and tan, I bought a package of 6visits. I think I'm going to try eyelash/eyebrow tinting next.

So speaking of sun damage, I found this article (http://www.ewg.org/2010sunscreens/press ) on sunscreen to be very enlightening. I just bought 2 brand new bottles that I see are on the "avoid" list. I don't know about you, but I find it to be pretty scary that products that we rely on to protect us, may actually be doing more damage in the long run. It's worth a read if you think you are protecting your kids and yourself from skin cancer by using sunscreen.

My ovaries look wonderful!!! I don't know the exact follicle count, but the right side is the leader. The biggest follicle is measuring 16, and then there are a whole lot of smaller ones that were like 10-11. So I will continue on my current dosages of the 2 meds I'm already on, and now I add in the 3rd shot. I'll do this for 2 days, and go back for another ultrasound and bloodwork on Sunday morning. I'm so glad that I'm doing well, but I'm starting to feel the discomfort of all those follicles. Not long now though, and I'll be going in for the egg retrieval.

In the meantime, I'm spoiling Homer rotten. His surgery went well. He's still really sore and tired though. We've been given strict instructions on what he can and can't do. For now, we have to keep him on his leash when he's outside, even to go to the bathroom. He can't climb the stairs. No exercise whatsoever, and we have to keep him as calm as possible. For the first 5 day, we have to ice the knee 3-4 times a day, and then after 5 days, we have to apply a heating pad instead. After the 5th day, we will also have to go through range of motion exercises with that leg. Last night I slept on the couch so that I could stay close to him since he can't come upstairs with us. I feel so bad for him that I may be doing that for a while.

The vets called this afternoon to tell me that Homer did well during his surgery, and that I should call after 9am tomorrow to get the time to pick him up and meet with the Dr. It's going to be so weird to get home from work tonight and not be greeted by my dog. I miss him already. I'm sure that he's happy to get some time to recover without Griffin bothering him.

It's been a busy day, and I have been really distracted. Tonight while getting my shots prepped, I made a mistake. I drew up the 1cc of water in the syringe, and then changed the needle, but I never mixed the water with the medication. So I start injecting it, and it's not until it starts burning like crazy do I realize that it was just the water. UGH!! Of course, I don't have any more of that medication with me, so I can't do the real shot until I get home at 10.

On the upside, I had bloodwork done today, and my nurse said that I am responding wonderfully to the meds. So they dropped the dose down a little. I'll take this new dose tonight and tomorrow, then on Friday morning I'll have more bloodwork and an ultrasound. I can't wait to see how many eggs are sprouting!

The yard work should be done tomorrow. We have someone coming in to hydroseed it, and then we wait 2 weeks for the ground to settle. I need to find an installer soon, because after that, we'll be ready to put the pool in. I'm so excited!

I went to my second acupuncture appointment today. I'm really loving it, but tonight I'm kind of sore. Especially my back. It's kind of weird. However, I went in with a headache and walked out feeling nice and calm- headache free. It's well worth the money, and I wish that I had tried this sooner.

So I'm on day 3 of my shots, and so far, so good. I go tomorrow for my bloodwork and find out what my next step is. Basically, they'll either keep me on the same doses or make some changes to it. I won't even have to have an ultrasound tomorrow, so there's a plus.

Tomorrow is also the day that Homer gets his surgery. I talked to the acupunturist about possibly trying it on the dog. He said that he's still learning it on dogs, but he'd be willing to practice on Homer for no charge. I may have to consider that.

Tonight I start my meds. One shot of Gonal-f and one shot of Luveris. I'll do that for 3 days, and then on Wed morning, I'll go in for bloodwork. Then my RE's office will call with further instructions. So the fun begins.

I'm glad that I have a lot going on at home to keep me distracted from fertility treatments. This morning Ryan cut down some more trees, and was planning on painting our deck. The contractor will be back tomorrow to work on the yard. He says that it should be done by the end of the week. Tomorrow the pool is scheduled for delivery, I have my acupunture appointment on Tuesday, and then Wed I have my bloodwork.

Wednesday is also the day that Homer goes in for his surgery. So on Thursday, I'll have to pick him up and pamper him all day. My poor puppy!

I found out that yes I will need those needles and syringes right away, and that no my mail order pharmacy will not rush them out to me. I'm not really sure how they expect I'm going to use the medication without them! So I had to call my RE's office and get another prescription called in to a local pharmacy. Now I have to go pick them up. I know I shouldn't complain about picking them up, but my the pharmacy near me doesn't carry them so I have to go to the next town over. I also have to work all weekend, and it's one more thing to add to my list.

My yard is really shaping up. I talked to the contractor today and he thinks that they are going to go over the original estimate of 35 loads of fill. He said that they have already used 15!

Today is my mothers 70th birthday!! So even though she won't be reading this, I want to wish her a very Happy Birthday!

Excavation on my yard started Tuesday, and I can't believe how different it's already looking. It's very exciting. Of course, Griffin is so happy to watch the backhoe digging. He sits in the window and watches constantly. Luckily for me, he does have a little fear and is scared to go near them. So I don't have to worry about him unlocking the door and going outside to check it out. No worries- I still watch him closely, in case he changes his mind.

Sooo, I don't know if I should be counting my lucky stars, or if I should wonder why we have the crappiest luck. Homer went to the vets yesterday for his annual check up. He's had some issues with one of his back legs for over a year now. At his last visit, the vet said that she could see some stiffness, but no big deal, and to give him supplements. Well, over the past year it's gotten worse and sometimes he can barely move it. So yesterday at his check up, they decided to keep him for the day and do x-rays.

Well, my dog needs surgery for a partial rupture of the cruciate ligament, which is the ligament that connects his tibia to his femur. Oh, and he's also already showing signs of arthritis in his knees. Surgery is scheduled for next week, and between the visit yesterday and the actual surgery, this will be over $3000. GULP! Did I mention that we have to limit the activity of my Labrador Retriever-who lives in a house with a 2 yr old- for 2 to 3 months? So obviously, this is the unlucky part of the story.

Lucky for me, I overestimated the amount of money to take out for a loan to do all the yard work and pool. So, the surgery will all be paid for. Am I lucky or what??

Today brings a whole new set of crap my way. Granted, it's not nearly as much of an issue as my dog, but regardless. I called my mail order pharmacy to get my prescriptions, that I may need this weekend, rushed out and scheduled for delivery tomorrow. Well, most of my meds are in prefilled syringes or pens, except for one. For that one, my Dr forgot to order me needles and syringes, so my pharmacy wouldn't send them anyway. WTF! So I called the Dr's office and they called it right in, but the delivery date is 5/27. I'm stressing out. I emailed the pharmacy since I'm at work and can't call them, but I haven't heard back. I don't know if I need this shot right from the beginning, or if I can wait until the 27th. The headache.

Here's my list of meds that I will be taking: Luveris (shot)
Gonal-f (shot)
Ganirelix (shot)
Ovidrel (you guess its, another shot)
Crinone (how fun, a vaginal suppository)

Oh, and just for the record, can I say "I told you so" about who would be in the AI finale?! LOL. I'm so happy. I have loved Crystal all along, but Lee has just blown me away. It's a tough choice, but I really want Lee to win it. We'll see next week!

Just a quick little IVF progress update....... I finished my 2 weeks of BCP's and as soon as AF shows up, I will call my RE's office. My only problem is that I haven't even got my meds yet! I'm starting to get a little nervous. I called the RE's office yesterday, and my insurance approval had just come back, so they were going to call in my meds. Usually, my mail order company calls right away and schedules the delivery with me, but I still haven't heard from them yet. I'm trying so hard not to freak out, and stay positive that they will get here in time.

I can't help myself. Griffin was so full of it this morning, and just kept saying the funniest things. I can't help but post again. So If you're really sick of hearing about my super-cute kid, now's the time to turn back.........

So, Griff has this thing about being in the car that makes him talk non-stop. He really just doesn't stop talking, and if you don't acknowledge EVERY thing he says, then all you hear is "Mumma, Mum, Mummy" over, and over and over and over. You get the picture. So today, after dealing with this for 20 mns, I decided to repeated his name over and over. He was getting really irritated, and kept saying "No Mumma", " No Mommy", "NO, NO, NO". Finally he had enough, and yelled "SHANNON!!"

I'm so glad that I taught him my name.

Griffin has this stuffed animal (a Leapster toy maybe) that you plug into the computer, and it can be programmed to say your childs name, and also know some of his/her favorite things, etc. So this morning, Griff must have pushed the button because out of nowhere I hear it saying "Hi Griffin, do you want to play?"

Griffin says back to it "No, I play with my tractors"

Perhaps you had to be here, but it was so damn cute! It made me chuckle.

The pool is ordered and will be shipped to our house in about 1 1/2 weeks. YEAHHHH!!!!! I decided to go with the 30'x15'. The contractor for the excavating called and confirmed that he will be starting on Wed. Now we just have to find someone to install the pool. I was told by the store mgr that most of the install guys will charge full price for installation even though we will have all the ground work done!! What a rip off!

After we got back from the pool store, I rushed around and cleaned and prepared food for the party. Good thing almost everyone was late! It was fun though. My mother really didn't want to make a big deal out of her 70th. I can understand that, but I couldn't let it go by and not acknowledge it at all. So we kept it fairly simple and only invited family. It worked out well for my brothers going away party as well. I still can't believe that he's moving to Alaska. I don't know if it's really going to hit me until he's actually gone.

I may try to post some pictures, but I was having to good a time to take many, and a lot of them weren't great.

No luck with getting a sitter so that Ryan and I could go out to dinner for our anniversary. Not a single person could do it! It's ok. We'll just have to do it another night. I made the best of it, and I stopped at the little market near our house and got the BEST steak kabobs ever!! I also got a couple shrimp and scallop skewers. Ryan grilled those, while I cooked some sweet potato and mixed veggies. So atleast we still had a nice dinner- minus the part that Griffin whined and threw most of his steak to the dog, and then I had to bribe him with a couple of M&M's to try a bite of sweet potato!!

We let Griff stay up a little bit later than normal tonight. He was just being so good, sitting on the couch with me looking at his books with the trucks and tractors. He was showing me all the different ones, and telling me what colors they all were. When bed time finally came, he wanted to bring those books to bed with him soooo bad! Too cute.

After I put him to bed, Ryan and I sat down and finally watched The Hangover. OMG!! I really thought that I was going to think it was stupid, but Ryan and I laughed through the whole thing!

In all it turned out to be a nice day. I went for a pedicure, and waxing this morning with my friend Bethany. Then I did some shopping and we met back up for lunch. Tomorrow is going to be incredibly busy. I really want to go to the pool store and get the pool all ordered. I have to clean, cook, get groceries, and then have a party at 4. I wish that I could take Monday off to recover from Sunday!

I enjoyed my first acupuncture session today. I was very relaxed and felt peaceful. It was very informative and the acupuncturist made a few suggestions for me. He would like me to cut out the sugar, dairy, and also not eat or drink anything cold. HMMMM..........this is going to be tough! I'm being optimistic and hopeful though.

The estimate for the excavation work came back today. I think that I'm still in shock about it. Both Ryan and I figured it would be around $8000. We were $4000 short in our thinking. The contractor is starting the work on Wednesday.

On another note........Ryan and I don't have a sitter for our anniversary on Saturday night. Neither one of our mothers can do it, and I'm really starting to stress out about it. We've never not gone out for dinner on our anniversary!

I am finally going to give acupuncture a try tomorrow. I'm a little nervous, but also really excited. At this point I'll try just about anything to not feel the anxiety, and to get some sleep at night. I'm staying optimistic for incredible results tomorrow.

Today was my first day off on my mini-vacation. I never even got out of my pajamas! I am working hard to clear my house of clutter and paperwork. I shredded so much paper today that I filled a trash bag. I'm not even close to being done- now that's pathetic. Ryan did some work on our porch. He got all the siding off the house on the inside and started replacing it with barn board. It looks so nice. I'll be really happy when that little project is done.

We're still waiting for the estimate on the excavating. Ryan called the contractor this afternoon, and he said that he is still working on the price. He found a good deal on fill, but needs a couple more prices before he can give us his total price.

Ok, I'm watching American Idol as I'm writing this and I'm sooooo irritated that Mike got kicked off, and Caseys staying. Really?! UGH.

My Mother's Day was a pleasant one. I had told Ryan that I didn't want anything because of all the excavating we're going to have done, the pool, and the chicken coop. I think that is plenty of stuff going on. So we just had a nice day, and got in some much needed relaxation. We did take a ride over to the pool store, so that I could actually see the model that we have been considering buying. I'm really excited!

Ryan is on vacation this week. I have to work today and tomorrow, and then I will have the rest of the week off. We'll mostly be working on the projects that we have around our house, plus I'm planning a party for Sunday afternoon. The party is for my mothers 70th birthday, and it's doubling as a going away party for my brother, who is moving to Alaska. Lots to do!

I have been reading on other blogs and some infertility boards today about how rough tomorrow will be for a lot of women dealing with infertility. It brought back a lot of memories of how I felt when Mothers Day would come around before I had Griffin. How it was so unfair that I wouldn't be celebrating Mothers Day myself, and how robbed I felt. Infertility is a major test of physical, emotional, and mental strength.

Today has also reminded me of what my therapist at the time used to tell me- Be Kind To Yourself!! Infertility makes a lot of women question every move they have ever made in their lives- could I have done something different? did I do something wrong? did I do something to deserve this? We beat ourselves up, like we had any choice in the matter, when if fact it is so beyond our control.

So, I've already posted this advice a couple of times today elsewhere, but I wanted to say it here as well. To all the women who dream of being a mom, and have not yet held their miracles in their arms- celebrate Mothers Day tomorrow for yourselves. Celebrate your strength, your spirit, and your determination. For all the hopes that you have to get the opportunity to be an incredible mom, and for all the dreams you have for your unborn child, you deserve it. Mothers Day is a day to celebrate the spirit of a mom, her love and her sacrifice. You should acknowledge these qualities in yourself. Remember how important it is to be kind to yourself.

Recently Ryan and I have been giving serious thought as to whether we should buy a piece of land and build a house, or whether we should invest in ours and make it the way we want it. It's a tough choice. There are a lot of things that I do like about my house, but the land itself is very challenging. Because most of the land is sloping, it's hard to do anything without spending lots of money. The thought of building and moving just seem so overwhelming to me though.

My brother just finished the screens for our new porch, and installed them about a week ago. I love it! It's so nice to sit out there and not worry about the bugs or the sun. It's really made me think twice about wanting to move. So, we contacted someone about doing some excavating, and land work. He'll come on Monday and give us an estimate. Right now we want to level and probably fill an area next to our driveway. Ryan wants to put in a shed, a sandbox for Griff, and maybe a garden. I want him to also look at a spot for the chicken coop, and a POOL!!

Yup, I'm pretty sure that I'm getting a pool. I have always wanted one, but Ryan really doesn't. Well, Griffin loves the water as much as I do! This summer, I will be temporarily changing my shift and working from 4-midnight, so I'll be home during the days. It's the perfect time. Of course, there's no way that we can afford an in-ground, but there are some very reasonable above ground pools. So now we just wait for the guy doing the land work, and see what he has to say. I'm sooooo excited.

I have this new, really weird problem. Lately, I've been having what I can only describe as anxiety attacks at night. I go to bed normally, and either just as I doze off, or shortly after, I wake up with my stomach in knots. It feels like it weighs a ton and it's churning. Then I can't get comfortable or stop moving my legs. This is becoming a huge problem. Some nights I'm only getting 3-4 hours of sleep. I'm just exhuasted.

I have no doubts that it's because of the stress of the IVF because it started happening around the time that I started my first FET. It's so weird because I don't get like this during the day. There are times that I don't even give IVF a thought. When it's happening I'm not necessarily having any IVF thoughts either. Actually, I don't seem to having any particular thoughts.

Last night I took some Tylenol PM. That was kind of a mistake. It made me tired, really tired, but it didn't stop the anxiety attack. So I could barely keep my eyes open, but I also couldn't go to sleep. I'm sure that I'm going to have to call my Dr because I don't know how many more sleepless nights I can handle. More than ever, it's important for me to get all the rest that I can.

TMI ALERT!! I started my period last night. On the down side, I feel bloated, and crampy, and plain old gross today. On the plus side, that means that I am going in to the fresh cycle. I should call my RE's office, but I hate calling on Sundays, so I'll just call them tomorrow. I don't think it's a big deal since right now I'm only starting birth control pills. I certainly don't need instructions on that.

I am feeling a bit better emotionally. I knew that if I gave myself a few days to get in the mindset of moving forward that I would be okay. I have to keep reminding myself that there is always a reason for things whether I like it or not, and whether I think it's fair or not. I was reminded of this the other day. A friend on mine has been house hunting, and she put an offer in on a house that she loved. She didn't get the house and was really upset. I kept telling her that there was a reason for it, that maybe the house had some issues or something and being a single mom, she wouldn't be able to deal with them. At the time it was little consolation, but I just knew that if she kept herself open to it, she would see. Well, it turns out that the reason she didn't get it was even better than I had thought. Currently, she rents an apartment that is built off the side of a house. She had become very fond of the owner, but recently he died suddenly from a heart attack. His daughters have decided to sell the house, but they called her and are giving her the first chance at buying it- and at a price that is WAY below the value! This is where she has lived for the past couple of years. She really loves the house, and has helped over the years to do things like make a garden, do landscaping, and other general upkeep. So now she has the opportunity to buy this house at a profit, plus have rental income. I'm thrilled for her.


It reminded me that ultimately my goal is to expand my family and mother another child. So I have to accept that there will be set backs. At some point, I may also have to accept that the child my not be biologically mine or Ryans. I don't want to get too far ahead of myself right now, all I'm saying is that who knows right now how exactly I will get to my goal. I am fortunate that I have insurance coverage that covers IVF. So right now I will continue on the IVF path. I think personally that 2 failed FET's is too soon to give up on the hope of getting pregnant again. So right now I will just take it one cycle at a time.